


The Hole You Put In Me

by ChaoticHeroine



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-07-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 16:13:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 475
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11383755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChaoticHeroine/pseuds/ChaoticHeroine
Summary: Helena tries to understand this new feeling of hurt.





	The Hole You Put In Me

She tries not to think of it much--The ache. The loneliness...well it's not quite loneliness, because loneliness was when Sister Olga shut her in a broom closet, when Tomas shoved her in a cage. She had made herself accustomed to that pain, had found ways to cope.

This ache is different.

She always wished that she had a sister. She would wish so hard that it was the last thing on her mind. Then she would fall asleep and dream of this other girl with her face, but those were just dreams and she would wake up alone.

...and then there were other girls with her face. But they weren't her sisters either. At least that's what she was told. She knows better now, and so that hurts in a new and different way. She tries not to think about that.

She met her sister eventually. She knew her instantly, like recognizing an old friend. This was the girl she had dreamed of. They were connected. She dreamed they were friends, but they weren't. Not yet at least. They were rivals, fighting in a battle. Like Tomas' stories of angels and devils. She wished that she could be the angel, but could not bring herself to say that Sarah was the devil, so she took that role upon herself.

They did become friends. Sarah called her meathead, and smiled when she looked at her, and that made Helena feel whole. She didn't understand why Sarah left to Iceland with Missus S, Kira, and Kendall and didn't take her. She tried not to wonder too much, because brother sestra Felix got left behind too, so maybe she shouldn't feel this way.

She didn't understand why she felt so empty  when Donnie Hendrick was the one holding her hand when she saw her babies for the first time, why she wasn't there to see that they were twins, just like them.

She didn't understand why she didn't feel lonely when no one came to visit her in the forest. Sometimes Sarah would call, but usually Helena wasn't able to answer. She sends her a text "do not worry about me sestra." Once she hears her voice again, she understands this feeling of emptiness. She has never missed someone before. Never had someone to miss. And now she misses her sestra.

Sarah is busy. Helena understands this. She is trying to save all of the sisters. So she makes due with the texts that are far and few in between.

"Be good, meathead."

"Take care of those babies."

She never imagined Sarah might feel the same way, until she sees her phone light up with a text that reads "miss you meathead." The next day, Sarah walks through the doorway of her room in the convent and Helena's heart is filled again.

"Oi, meathead."

" _Sestra_." ----- Fin

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a little tongue in cheek, because Helena feels a metaphysical hole when Sarah is gone, but Sarah has also literally shot and stabbed Helena.


End file.
